


Bereavement

by zoellick



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, I can't write anything long bc i give up lmaoo, M/M, Short, idk how to tag, its gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 12:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9324077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoellick/pseuds/zoellick
Summary: Sirius Black is dead. Remus Lupin reminisces.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling kinda angsty and thought why not make it into a wolfstar fic :))))))))))

It was Summer and the majority of the student body had gathered by the lake to soak up the sunshine. Remus and Sirius were sat on the grass, next to each other, leaning back on their hands. Remus watched Sirius with a little smile on his face as he gazed out onto the lake with a look of awe. Everything was thrumming with life, from the students running around to the bees buzzing around them. Yet, Remus still felt a warmth of tranquillity within him and he believed it to be because of a certain somebody’s presence. He sighed contentedly to himself and Sirius looked over to him with a smirk. “You all right there, Moony?” He asked, with some amusement in his eyes. Remus nodded gently, closing his eyes when a cool breeze passed by. In the surprising heat, he relished in the refreshing feeling.

In the distance, he heard a shriek of laughter, followed by some angry comments. Remus looked over and found James and Lily right next to the lake, both drenched in water. Lily hunched over with laughter and James shoved her grumpily. But soon enough, James pulled her in for a big, wet, soppy hug (of course James splashed her again, much to Lily’s annoyance). Remus beamed at the sight of the two of them, so clearly in love. He glanced to his left and saw Sirius watching them too. “They’re quite a pair, aren’t they?” He chuckled and Remus had to nod in agreement. They were something so captivating about the two of them, as if they were what had been missing from each other’s lives. “Makes you wonder if anything like that will come your way.” Sirius leant back onto the grass, face up towards the sky. He pulled a cigarette out and took a long drag.

Remus felt his brows tug down into an involuntary frown. His heart pulled gently in his chest. “Don’t you have it already?” He was scared to ask it, which was evident through the shake of his voice. Remus could practically hear the pity. Of course he knew, he would be a fool not to have noticed. Remus loved Sirius. Sirius did not love him back. Remus fell backwards onto the grass beside Sirius, who had mumbled something about it being different. “How so?” Remus felt the need to ask. It wasn’t as if Sirius didn’t know what he was doing, he wasn’t as smart as Remus, but he sure as hell wasn’t thick.

“Well, there in love, aren’t they?” Sirius said plainly. Apparently, he was done sugar-coating things. Remus couldn’t blame him really, it was getting a little tedious having to read between the lines.

Remus’ heart clenched tightly, like a noose, as he managed to say, “And you don’t love me?” Sirius Black had never been a sensation with words, he’d tangle the words up into an ever-growing sentence that never made sense. Instead, he’d show what he meant by his actions, by his forceful nature. He’d show Remus that he cared by the passion which he kissed him with, the roughness of the fuck and the tenderness of the aftermath. He had traced Remus’ body achingly, until every inch was discovered and more. Certainly, Remus was under no illusion- Sirius didn’t love him. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t care- did it?

A giggle and a thump interrupted their conversation, as Lily joined them. Remus sat up and smiled. “What’re are you talking about?” Out of the corner of his eye, Remus noticed Sirius roll over, so that he was facing away. Remus ignored him.

“How ridiculous the two of you looked,” He laughed and James joined them too, evidently pretending he hadn’t heard the comment. The group continued to laugh and chat and poke fun at each other for a while longer. Someway through, Peter had returned from the lakeside and even joked around a bit. The afternoon should have been pleasant, yet it wasn’t.

*

Remus clung tighter to the neck of the bottle as he was slumped over his chair. His brain was clouded with sadness and anger and a certain coldness that didn’t ebb away. For some sadistic reason, his addled brain plucked out that memory to dwell on. So far, he wasn’t coping. Perhaps it was the alcohol’s fault, Sirius- don’t say his name- always said he got depressed when drunk. Then again, Remus mused, it hurt drunk or sober and the choice between the two was an obvious knock out.

Remus groaned and pulled into himself. If he was smaller, the pain would be smaller, he told himself. The lie didn’t work, it never worked. It didn’t work during those twelve fucking years and it wasn't bloody working now.

He was gone.

Sirius had left him again. But this time, forever.

Fucking, typical.


End file.
